We are having the hardest time with our Little Man. I realize that two is a hard age. Really, it is much more difficult with this guy than it was with my Princess. He is meaner, more defiant, and very stubborn. We are at our wits end. I prayed for a really mellow second child – an easy going boy. I didn’t realize that my Princess was our easy going child. She was so pleasant and easy to parent at this age compared to my Little Man.
How did you make it through the toddler stage?
We have a plastic chair we brought in from the garage. It is now the official “time out chair”. When my Little Man disobeys after we’ve corrected him once verbally, we put him in the time out chair. I’ll let you in on a secret. Time outs are not working very well. At all. We make him sit for two minutes. He screams and kicks almost the entire time. He’ll get out of time out the moment you look away. Ugh! Please Lord, help me with this child.
I know I am not alone in this parenting struggle. There are countless mothers who are wondering how in the world they should discipline their difficult toddlers. My husband and I keep saying that it is a good thing two year old’s are so cute. Still, I just might be crazy right now. Check back with me when he grows out of this stage. (Please Lord, let him grow out of this stage.) While I am in the trenches, so to speak, imagine my surprise when I read this Yahoo! Parenting article about time outs.
Time outs have been a common form of discipline the last decade. In fact, I’ve used them frequently for both of my children. When used correctly a time out can work at correcting behavior in our children. But, according to the article, when a time out is used as a punishment when a parent is angry (guilty finger pointing at myself) then kids are not benefiting from it. Experts are saying that timeouts, to the child, equate to rejection. Further, kids get the feeling that parents only want to be around them when they “have it all together”. Other experts are recommending time outs for kids older than four, when kids can understand better that they are not losing the love of their parent.
What do you think ?
Are time outs good or bad for the kids?
[Tweet “Experts are saying that timeouts, to the child, equate to rejection. #YahooParenting #CG“]
I am just trying to figure out what works best for my Little Man. Distraction sometimes works for him. Getting down to his level, speaking firmly, and holding his shoulders sometimes works. I need more ideas though. Help, please?
I was selected for this opportunity as a member of Clever Girls and the content and opinions expressed here are all my own.
I think time outs are a great way to punish children. I’ve heard some schools of thought that no punishment works. Not true. Kids need consequences.
Kids do need consequences for sure Melissa. I am just trying to figure out what works. Ugh! Parenting is hard stuff!
We used to do time outs in the crib. Once they were out of the crib, it was in their room with the door closed. It was tough, my oldest too was easy I took it for granted when I had a tougher second child. Now my 8 year old youngest of 3 is tough to discipline after being so spoiled for years. When does it get easier??
I have no idea, Jen! I don’t know if it does get easier 🙂 Parenting is so hard. We may be having a harder time with this one because he is the youngest and he is our last. He just might be a bit too spoiled too.
I think that you really just need to listen to your child, to know what works for both of you. Timeout was really effective for my daughter but I never made her feel isolated. She would be reprimanded placed in her “thinking chair” to think about what she did wrong and then after one-minute-per-year I would come over and talk about why she was there, what went wrong and what she could do better next time.
That’s good advice. There are times when I can do better about communicating why he is in time out. Just praying that it gets easier!
Stay strong. It is tough when you have an independent toddler in the house, but it will get better.
Thank you for the encouragement, Scott. I need it!
You have to get them in line now or you will pay double and triple later.
Time outs are not a rejection, they are a a consequence of choices made, and not good choices. That works!
I very much agree with this, Mitch. I have seen it happen far too many times. Kids at a young age who are not given clear boundaries and healthy discipline are often unruly and unmanageable as teens and young adults. Parenting is pretty hard stuff, isn’t it?
Hi LaVonne~ it’s not easy, is it? I personally do not agree with timeouts as a punishment. That being said~ I do believe in clear, concise and reasonable expectations stated for the child along with a reasonable, meaningful consequence for the action/ inaction of the child. ie: If the direction is “come here” and the child refuses….. You say to the child, “come here”. If the child doesn’t, the second time you say, “come here~ you can do it yourself or I can help you”. No response? You help them follow the direction by saying, “I’ll help you”. Meaningful and consistent communication and consequence eventually win the day. It isn’t easy, though. Sometimes giving choices works well, too. Then you are letting him feel “in control” but at a level that YOU control….. this often ends fits and power struggles. My youngest used to fight me over naps~ I finally asked him if he wanted a short one or a long one. He would always pick the short option but would wind up taking a long one. If he refused to choose, I would laugh and say then I’ll choose and I pick a super long one. He would again opt for the short one. It became a game that we both enjoyed. Remember to pick a couple of options that are actually doable. Oh, and he also became a master negotiator at a very young age. lol These are just a couple of techniques I used as a parent of 3 boys. Wishing you easier times ahead~ Trish <3
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Giving him options is actually a great idea. I will try it for sure! Two is a hard age; I realize that. But he is just so much more difficult that his sister. It’s new territory for me. And I am tired!
(Time Outs and Toddlers (I need help!) So the little guy is starting to give you some attitude already. Well I can tell you that my boys would give me heck every now and then, but nothing I couldn’t handle at the time. I have noticed with my grandson thou that he has figured out how to push his parents buttons to get what he wants. My son says he does more of the punishing then Mom does when Lyle acts up. But it is weird because he never tries to pull anything when his grandmother (me) is there. He’s a perfect little angel then? Just like that Nanny show always said, just explain to them why they are being punished when you put them into the time out. Good luck, it will get better I’m sure-
I have faith that it will get better. Praying it gets better! Each age has its own difficulties, but two is a hard one!
Yes, time out is a dilemma. Many of the parents with whom I work are finding that when they switch to Time In, things get resolved much faster and with less turmoil. Time In means instead of putting your youngster in a chair and expecting them to stay, you simply bring the child to be next to you for a few minutes until she/he can get themselves settled down. Time In is what I call changing the lighting. I breaks the negative flow and allows calm to reenter. Time In isn’t a time for lecturing, though. Not a punishment. Just a few minutes for your child to be near you, see what you are doing, perhaps help for a few minutes until they are calm and say they are ready to go back to what they were doing. Just some thoughts from my office experiences. Hope this helps.
It does help, Diana. Thank you. I like the idea of time in. I guess there are times when I need the time out for me too. Time away from him when he is driving me crazy. But, as the mom, I need to be able to control my own feelings, and put him first. Time in is going to be something I try this week!
I would love to hear how it works for you and your little one, both. As for time out for yourself, YES! What about a massage??